I've been thinking about the value of uncertainty in our lives, especially those transition times when we are beset by not-knowing: not knowing what direction to go in, not knowing what we want or how to obtain/achieve it, being unable to guess what shape our life will take next. This is, to my mind, a deeply spiritual topic, in part because it is at these transition moments that we are most open (vulnerable) to God, spirit, the universe.
Not-knowing is a very hard and sometimes scary place to be, but it is such a gift, because it calls us to rely on the God within -- our true core -- rather than our habits, learned responses and routine patterns of thought. We get to move deeper into who we are and experience the exhilaration of trusting ourselves and whatever higher power we believe in. We get to be surprised -- maybe not always pleasantly, but pleasant or not, surprise wakes us up.
Not knowing humbles us, reminding us that our knowledge and control are finite (and small). It teaches us to beware of self-satisfaction and reminds us that our lives are profoundly connected to all other life. It teaches us to value our friends, and to know who they are.
In shaking up our settled beliefs and routines, not knowing can be exciting, even as it is also scary.
When Jesus tells his followers in Chapter 6 of the Gospel according to Matthew that they shouldn't worry about what they will eat and what they will wear because God feeds the birds and clothes the lilies, he is making a similar point, I think. He is saying, "God knows you have physical needs, but don't let them keep you from taking a risk to become the person God made you to be." Don't worry so much, for example, about being sensible and pragmatic that you can't allow yourself to hear God's call in your heart and follow it.
But also, I think Jesus is advocating a way of living that is open, available to the moment and vulnerable. He's saying it's more important to engage authentically with other people than to make sure you have dinner on time or never miss a night's sleep. I'm nowhere near living in this way, but I wish I could be. In my own way, I try to be as open as I can.
this was just what i've been needing to read. it is scary to stop relying on habit, to go back in and muck around a bit and see what you've got once routine is stripped away. it is exhilarating, too, though, and important.
ReplyDeleteRachel,
ReplyDeleteThe post was written with you (partly) in mind.
I'm in a similar period myself, with starting a new job, living apart from M. and really throwing everything up in the air. We can't live for very long without routine (imagine if you actually had to think about what's involved in tying your shoes!), but it's good now and then to examine your routines and deliberately choose what to keep and what to let go of.